What's in the spaces.

I'm trying to get myself out of this circle of life. It's unhealthy, and I don't like it. Being around people makes me turn into an awful inner-self of mine. It's not easy to control this urge to do such a thing, and it bothers me. One of the reasons why I like being alone, and only be around the people I really really like. Who knows me well enough not to bring that topic out into our conversation. haih. 
It's pretty hard finding someone who fits me well, someone with a shoe that matches mine. Some just, likes to compete, love to compete. Life is not a competition, I didn't sign up for this "competition". Never had the intention to compete and win nor lose. This is why I hate this part of me, URGH. So frustrating, it's a waste of time, a waste of energy and a waste of the spaces in my brain. May Allah ease, and help me get rid of these people who keeps bugging me, insyaAllah. Assalamualaikum.